To everything there is a purpose and a season

I haven't written anything in many, many months because life changed.  And when life changes, we change with it to survive.
This blog cataloged memories that were made and experiences I wanted to share.  While I'll always recollect the things I wrote about, its time to end this portion of my life, blog included.
Please feel free to find my new blog: Confessions of a Middle School NyQuil Addict at jodydoniel.blogspot.com, if you'd like to follow me there.  I'm certain you'll find more randomness than you care to read once I get it going!
Farewell, On the Edge (of Arkansas) friends!!

Tonight (or today)

I haven't updated in a LONG while.

But tonight I'm wishing that my sweet baby girl would move back home.  With me.

I never thought I'd live to see the day she chose to live anywhere else (some place other than where I was)...but, for the millionth time in this lifetime, I was wrong.

If you REALLY know me, I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, that's a shocker."  "What a game changer."  "Betcha didn't see that one coming."  And you'd all be so RIGHT.

I never thought this would happen, didn't see it coming.  And, yes, its a game changer.  I mean, who else carries their child (who weighs every bit as much as they do) downstairs to watch Sponge Bob and Little Bill and drink hot chocolate before school every single day thought this would ever happen...right?!?

I've grown up with my sweet baby, not that I've ever acted like her "friend," because I haven't.  I've been a Mama.  From day one.  I've grown up with her.  That tends to happen when you decide to keep a baby when everyone says you shouldn't.  Because you KNOW that what you have inside you is destined for great things.

She taught me what it meant to be a Mama.

She taught me what it meant to love unconditionally.

I know my hard limits: what I would live and die for.  And Paige makes the list.

And she's gone.  To live elsewhere.

And my heart breaks.

Over and over.

And I love her, still.

A New Year!!

I've been doing some thinking about my New Year's Resolutions. I do this every year, try to set one (or ten,) and usually by February they are out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I made some resolutions last year, and I thought they were good: well thought out, things that I knew I needed to improve on. Well, I can't say they were ever out of my mind, I just didn't quite accomplish what I wanted. I ran in to several set backs, several things out of my control that made it hard to continue working toward my resolutions (or so it appeared in my mind anyway, and looking back, I totally could have handled the situations differently and improved the results...anyway, that's another story for another time). So, once I 'perfect' my resolutions once again, I'll share them. Until then, I'll leave you with an image of two of my fav characters...and a little hint about my resolutions.

There was something else I wanted to share that I read today: 31 Ways to Simplify Your Life by Phil Callaway...fitting for a new year.

"I'm told the Koala bear sleeps 22 hours a day. I'm not recommending this. But here are 31 ways you can slow down your life a little this month. Why not try at least one a day?

1. Take a child for a walk. Make sure it's your child. (If you don't have a child, borrow one from a friend.)

2. Try everything offered by the supermarket food demonstrators.

3. Reread a favorite book.

4. If possible, have a pet.

5. Refrain from envy. Genuinely compliment those who have more than you.

6. Make Sunday a day of rest. Start by leaving your watch off all day. Or at least during the sermon.

7. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Practice on telemarketers if necessary.

8. Learn more about the stars. Then lie on your back and find them.

9. Live by the calendar, not the stopwatch.

10. Each day when you wake up, let your first activity be prayer.

11. Wave at children on school buses.

12. Plan some leisure time each day.

13. Buy a bird feeder and hang it outside your window.

14. Learn to enjoy food. Take longer to eat it.

15. Don't major on minor issues.

16. Attend your child's recitals and plays. Compliment the teacher.

17. Don't give your kids the best of everything. Give them your best.

18. Never miss a chance to read a child a story.

19. When you're alone in the car, sing loudly. Don't forget to roll up the windows.

20. As often as you can, give thanks.

21. Avoid negative or overly competitive people.

22. Wear a wild t-shirt under your fancy suit.

23. Change into casual clothes when you get home from work.

24. When you can, buy secondhand.

25. Remember, God doesn't have a wristwatch.

26. As soon as you can, pay your debts.

27. Find a good reason to laugh in the next three minutes.

28. Forget the Joneses. They aren't so happy.

29. Find something you really like and give it away.

30. Read Matthew 6 and then take a walk and think about it.

31. Observe the speed limit."

Birthday Weekend!!

Paige's birthday is tomorrow...15 years old already. It just doesn't seem possible.
She's been celebrating pretty much all weekend! Friday night mall trip and sleep-over birthday party with some friends, Saturday trip to Little Rock with her dad, today birthday party with her dad...whew, that girl likes to celebrate!
Paige is such a precious girl. I love that kid so much!!

Oh what fun!

For the first time since living in Siloam, tonight I went on the Candlelight Christmas Homes Tour (or some really big name like that). I went with a group of hilarious ladies to dinner, then prowled through homes I'd never been in...it was a voyeur's dream come true. Instead of creeping by slowly in my car, hoping to see Christmas decorations through any windows that were accidentally exposed, I just walked right in to these houses! Oh, the ideas I walked away with...if only I had enough time to make my house look like those.
Guess I better get busy and get my tree out of the spare room, knock the dust off that monster, and get it decorated!

Forgive and Forget

If I said that life was full of things that could hurt us, damage our sense of self, knock us to our knees, that would probably come as no surprise to you. And I, like most of you, have faced some pretty hurtful things in my life.

Yesterday I came face to face with one of those hurtful things. My initial reaction was anger. I think that's pretty normal. In working with kids who have been 'hurt' in one way or another, I've learned that the go-to emotion when you don't understand something is typically anger. And let me tell you, I felt what those little kids must feel in full force: an anger that starts deep inside and wells up until you feel physically sick, like someone has kicked you in the stomach and you can't breathe. And I almost let it get the best of me.

As adults we all know its better to forgive and forget, to move on, to get over it, but I never realized just how difficult that could be. Needless to say, I had a hard time sleeping last night due to the racing thoughts that were swirling inside my curly head. As I was lying in bed last night and this morning, I played the situation over and over and know where I went wrong. I'm not meant to judge people or situations, I'm human, and that's a job for Someone much bigger than me. I've been shown the greatest mercy mankind will every know: forgiveness. A gift I certainly don't deserve, by Someone who has never met me on this Earth...and that grace is overly extended by Him every single day as I flounder through life trying to do the right thing and falling terribly short!

I saw a post on Twitter last night by Paige. Funny how you can gain insight from the thoughts of a teenager who is an obsessive tweeter!! :) It was simple: forgive & forget #wordstoliveby
I need to forgive (I think I've already done that, but perhaps I need to do a little more examining) and FORGET (that's going to be the hard part, since I have the memory of an elephant..I really hope their memories are as great as everyone thinks they are, or else I've been horribly misled my entire life).

This morning I was drawn back to two scriptures that I memorized decades ago when I faced some very hurtful times: Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you." and Luke 6:37 "And do not judge and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon and you will be pardoned." #REALWORDSTOLIVEBY

I am thankful for...

So, today at work, I was doing a lesson with some kindergartners. We talked about thankfulness, read a book about Thanksgiving, and wrote a sentence. I gave them a starter, "I am thankful for..." and they had to complete the sentence and draw a picture of what they were most thankful for. I saw lots of "mommy," "my family," and even "my dog." But the one I found most amusing was: I am thankful for...chezbrgrs. That's kindergarten for 'cheeseburgers'. What made it even more amusing was that the kid was Arabic. :)
Then tonight at church, the youth group talked about what they were thankful for and wrote thank-you-notes to someone they were thankful for. That made me really think...what am I thankful for?
I'm thankful for MANY things!
1. I'm thankful that I have a God who loves me, faults and all, and accepts me just like I am.
2. I'm thankful for my little family: Paige and Michael. They keep me running like a crazy woman, but I love them so much!
3. I'm extremely thankful for my extended family and our love for each other. Mama and Roy, Daddy and Kelly, Jon, Kayti, Zayne; Mike and Terri, Carl, Matt, Sarah, Alyssa, and Bella. I could list all the special things about each person on my list, but you might get tired of reading. :)
4. I'm thankful for an awesome visit with my Mama last night. It felt so good to relax and laugh with her! She's the best mom EVER, and I hope when Paige looks back, she will think the same thing about me.
5. I'm thankful for wonderful friends who love and support me. I hope I'm as much of an encouragement to them as they are to me.
6. I'm thankful for a job where I feel like I can help others.
7. I'm thankful for a reliable car to get me to and from all the places I go!
8. I'm thankful for a warm, cozy home.
9. I'm thankful that I wake up every morning, ready to face the day.
10. I'm thankful that I've never had to worry about food or clothing.
11. I'm thankful for a strong body and mind!
12. I'm thankful for forgiveness.
I could go on and on, but that's where I'll stop for tonight. :)

Has it really been 5 months....

since I last wrote anything???
Oops!
What have I been doing, you might ask? Well, I wish I knew!!
Hopefully I'll do a better job of updating...

Old Men Make Me Smile. :)

I just had quite the encounter at WalMart (yeah, I know, its where everything exciting happens in Siloam Springs), and I just have to share it!

I had just finished up a walk and was sweaty and gross but needed some things to make dinner. So I rushed in to the store, pushing my buggy too fast, hitting a few corner displays, occassionally cutting people off, and knocking down any stray children who weren't hurried along by their parents fast enough...ok, so that last part isn't true. (But I felt like ramming a few unattended wild ones!) As I was tossing things in the buggy, I paused-just for a second-trying to decide which honey to buy when this old, little man, who must have been close to 90, says, "Excuse me, but can you help me?" My inner monologue at that point went something like this: Great. I'm gross and want to go home. What could you possibly need help with? It's peanut butter. Choose creamy or crunchy and call it good. If you can't decide, just get both. But instead I smiled and said, "Sure!"

The old man proceeded to ask me about the whipped creamy peanut butter versus regular creamy peanut butter, I gave him my opinion (buy the regular creamy), picked up the nearest thing of honey, and got ready to push off. But he just kept standing there. Smiling and looking at me, and talking about everything that came to his mind. He told me of his most recent adventure of moving to California to live with his daughter, but he stayed only a few weeks and decided to come back to Siloam because she "just didn't have time for him, since she's really busy with work". He told me of his experience with a horrible moving company that took some of his stuff, and how he expected people to be honest and never do something like that. He shared that his wife passed away, and he lived alone, and he was starting all over in a new duplex that he really liked. He told me about his hobbies and that he didn't know how to cook. In fact, he told me most of his stories twice (I think he was a bit forgetful)! I bet I stood there listening to him in the peanut butter aisle for 20 minutes. He was just so happy to have someone to talk to, someone who would listen. Then when he was finished talking, he reached over and gave me the most frail, sweet hug and told me he enjoyed our visit. :) Then he said, "I sure hope I see you again." And smiled and waved as I pushed off, a little slower this time.

This sweet little old man touched my heart!! I certainly hope I see him again. I'm sure I could if I wanted to, since he gave me his address (taped to the front of his checkbook cover) and phone number (on his big ole Jitterbug cell phone) before he pushed off.

I think I'll start by writing him a letter.

What I think I've figured out...

Most of you know, I'm a control freak. And if you don't know that about me, you haven't travelled with me. :) I'm a list-maker, a rule-follower, a clean-freak, and a stringent Type-A personality-girl. And it works for me!! It might drive everyone else bonkers, but, hey, I stick to my routines, regardless!

I'm going to go ahead and just say it: I've struggled a LOT with control lately. There are days when I feel like everything is completely out of my control, where medications and procedures are concerned. And they are. That's super hard for me. There have been days when I've been so anxious, so full of dread and fear of the things I'm about to start (all of the shots and different medicines) that I drove myself crazy. I've done over-the-top research on all the possible side effects of the medications to the point where I was super fearful to even look at the boxes of them...yeah, it makes me sound crazy, I know. I think you're getting the picture: I'm an emotional hot-mess!

I've thought a lot about two verses this week:
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, not to harm you." (Jeremiah 29:11)
TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.
I've said them over and over and over and over. To the point where I believe them. I mean, I've always believed them, but now I really believe them. They're meant for me. And I know it.
On the way home from the doctor Thursday, my sweet Mama had to remind me, God is in control. Then yesterday I checked my email and saw a message that Sarah, my sister in law, sent to me. It was about a devotional that she had just read and felt like she needed to share...this path is not what I would have chose, but its God plan, He will hold my hand and help me through it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Man, it fit right in with the thought that was just beginning to form in my mind (one that should have formed a long time ago, but I guess 33 years late is better than never): trust!!

So, maybe this is a lesson in TRUST. Trusting that this the path that God has chosen for me, so that I can learn to trust that He always has a plan for me (even if its not the plan I have in mind). Trusting that He is going to keep me safe and healthy. Trusting that others can help me, and its OK to rely on them (in this case, the doctors and all the medicines). Trusting that He is going to bless me and Michael beyond what we could ever imagine. Trusting that He is in control...not me.

Sundays

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Sundays? Well, I do!
I love drinking coffee while watching CBS Sunday Morning.
I love going to church.
And I love coming home and spending time with my family.
Pretty simple...I love Sundays.

Needle-phobe, that's me!

This shouldn't come as news to anyone: I hate needles. I'm not talking dislike, I'm talking about all out hating, loathing, immense fear of the shiny, silver vampire-like structures.
Today, Michael and I went to Tulsa for an appointment. I knew they were going to teach me how to give myself a shot...and I've mentally prepared myself for giving myself A shot every day. But I found out a have to give myself 3 each day....3 SHOTS! And to make matters worse, Michael has to be able to give me one in the muscle (aka, my rump, not sure that's the most muscular location on my body, but whatever) for about 10 weeks...this is going to be a pain in my rear, literally.
It was a tad bit embarassing when I popped out in sweat in front of the nurse and other people learning to do the same thing. She stopped talking to the group and asked if I was OK a couple of times. I must've been looking a little pale, or maybe it was just that I was sweating profusely in an air-conditioned room, or it could've been that I was laughing nervously at inappropriate times. Who knows...
Anyway, I'm open for volunteer shot givers...anyone? anyone?

Cheerleader!!

I'm thrilled to report: Paige gets to cheer again for the Siloam Springs Panthers!

I can't wait to watch the squad with Paige as a 9th grader. It doesn't seem possible that she will be a high-schooler next year. Wow!

Easter Humor

This makes me smile.

My mom usually sends me cards for every holiday that rolls around...this is the cover of one of my all time favorites. I laughed so hard the first time I saw it, that she's found it and given it to me on multiple occasions. There's not much better than a corny greeting card. I love them!

It's been too long...

since I posted anything!

It seems that 'life' has taken over during the past few months. Paige has cheered her little heart out during football and basketball season, and Michael has worked his tail off coaching. So, being the good wife and mom that I am (hehe), I've kept the bleachers warm at all of their events!

One fun thing that happened recently was getting to see Bon Jovi in concert! It was my first trip to Las Vegas, and I learned that it wasn't a city for cheapies like me. It was a blast, though.

We've had a lot of busy-ness going on this weekend, too. Razorback baseball, sleep overs, shopping...you know, all the regular family-fun stuff. We're all slightly sunburned and exhausted tonight, but we had a blast together!

On another note, Michael and I have finally decided to take some pretty big steps forward to help us add to our family (prayers would be greatly appreciated). So I'm probably going to use this space as a stress-reliever every now and again...feel free to not read if you so choose, it won't hurt my feelings one little bit!

Happy Anniversary!!!

To my hubby, Michael!!
Wow, how 4 years have flown by...
Love him (and my sweet Paige) so much!

Oh Happy Day!!

Guess who is coming home today?!? Yippee!!!

Paige left for her summer visit to her dad's house on June 28th. I'm so thankful that she loves spending time with her daddy and gets to do fun things with her family there, but its been a long, long month without her!

Sam and I (and Michael, too) are ready for her to be home for good!

Home Sweet Home, for the rest of the summer...

Talk about a busy summer! We've been going, going, going...travelling with with family and work. I'm so thankful for all of the places we've been able to travel to, but there really is no place like home!

Here are some pics of a few places we've seen this summer:

The summer started off with Michael's trip to Tempe, Arizona...

To watch the Hogs...

And the Diamondbacks.

A couple days later we flew off with Michael's entire family to Moon Palace in Cancun, Mexico.

While we were there we visited Tulum,

caught a LOT of sun, and did some other fun things.

One day after flying back from Cancun, I went to Washington DC with 3 cutie pie ladies from work...

and we crammed in as many sights as we could in one week after working all day!

A couple of weeks after I came home from DC, Michael and I both flew out to New Haven, CT (with work again, of course). We went to NYC for the day, and got to see the Yankees play!!

Time Square.

And Yale University in New Haven.

I don't have pictures from New Orleans yet, but we just got back from there last night. I'm still stuffed from all the yummy food we ate! I'm hoping the next 2 weeks will be full of relaxation and family time...in our own home.

Summer is finally here...whew

I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever see summer break! Although its already cram packed with trips for work and a family vacation, I am so thankful that its finally here.

Outdoor Adventures on a Sunday Afternoon...

Today we've had some extreme outdoor adventures. It started when Michael chopped down a tree that hit a bird's nest and knocked out two babies as it fell. The baby birds were so tiny they didn't even have feathers...so, of course we attempted to be rescue-rangers and put the nest and baby birds back in the tree (while wearing gloves in the hopes that Mama bird would come back).

But things quickly took a turn...we went from rescuers to murderers!

Paige and I were walking through the landscaping trying to decide where to plants some things. I thought I heard something move under the landscaping fabric by my foot, but just to make sure I stomped in that area again, and that's when I saw a snake coil up about 3 inches away from my flip-flopped foot. Yep, I was terrified to say the least. So me, being the great mom that I am, pushed Paige out of the landscaping--I'm not talking about a gentle nudge to get her out of the way, I'm talking about a two-handed football-style shove--and started yelling at her to go get Michael. Things quickly progressed from bad to worse when Michael showed up with a flat-ended shovel as our first line of defense again this monster. He walked up and handed ME the shovel. I politely handed it back and asked him to kill the snake, which set into motion the chain of events that looked like a snake-slaying circus act in our front yard...

Michael tried his best to chop the snake's head off with the dull shovel, but he hit the wrong end, simply trapping it by its tail. Boy did that make the snake mad. It started thrashing around under the landscaping fabric...scary! Michael and I were both at a loss for what to do, so we came up with the idea that I'd go get the pick and hack it in half near its head. I returned with the pick and tried to figure out my best plan of attack. I've never been particularly good at aiming at things (my darts never come close to hitting the dart board, I usually miss the entire ball while playing pool, hitting a baseball is a major feat for me, etc), so naturally, I missed the snake during the attempted decapitation. However, I did chop a hole in the landscape fabric. The snake's head shot through the hole like a cobra, and it started striking at me with a vengance...which set Paige off screaming like a maniac, "Mama, get back, get back!!" Now I was really flustered! I was shaking like a leaf and could barely hold the pick, and there was no way Michael could let go of the shovel to help me (since he had the snake pinned down by the tail). In my head I was planning what to do when I got struck by this snake (1. Find a way to kill it without making my blood pump any faster than it already was. 2. Put the snake in a bag. 3. Get to the hospital FAST. 4. Give the snake to the doctor, and tell the him I needed anti-venom...yes, I thought it was poisonous, and yes, at the moment I actually believed that Siloam Springs Memorial would have the ability to make anti-venom). Thankfully, Michael was thinking with some sense, and he told me to hold the snake's head down with the pick turned sideways so he could chop it up. I followed his directions as closely as I could while trebling uncontrollably. And whew, it worked! Disaster averted. Mission accomplished, the snake was dead. We immediately ran in the house and looked the snake up on the internet. It wasn't the deadly pit viper that I feared, it was harmless Orange-striped Ribbonsnake.

I was so flustered from the whole event that I couldn't do anymore yard work. Laundry seems like a safer alternative... :)