What I think I've figured out...

Most of you know, I'm a control freak. And if you don't know that about me, you haven't travelled with me. :) I'm a list-maker, a rule-follower, a clean-freak, and a stringent Type-A personality-girl. And it works for me!! It might drive everyone else bonkers, but, hey, I stick to my routines, regardless!

I'm going to go ahead and just say it: I've struggled a LOT with control lately. There are days when I feel like everything is completely out of my control, where medications and procedures are concerned. And they are. That's super hard for me. There have been days when I've been so anxious, so full of dread and fear of the things I'm about to start (all of the shots and different medicines) that I drove myself crazy. I've done over-the-top research on all the possible side effects of the medications to the point where I was super fearful to even look at the boxes of them...yeah, it makes me sound crazy, I know. I think you're getting the picture: I'm an emotional hot-mess!

I've thought a lot about two verses this week:
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, not to harm you." (Jeremiah 29:11)
TRUST in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.
I've said them over and over and over and over. To the point where I believe them. I mean, I've always believed them, but now I really believe them. They're meant for me. And I know it.
On the way home from the doctor Thursday, my sweet Mama had to remind me, God is in control. Then yesterday I checked my email and saw a message that Sarah, my sister in law, sent to me. It was about a devotional that she had just read and felt like she needed to share...this path is not what I would have chose, but its God plan, He will hold my hand and help me through it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Man, it fit right in with the thought that was just beginning to form in my mind (one that should have formed a long time ago, but I guess 33 years late is better than never): trust!!

So, maybe this is a lesson in TRUST. Trusting that this the path that God has chosen for me, so that I can learn to trust that He always has a plan for me (even if its not the plan I have in mind). Trusting that He is going to keep me safe and healthy. Trusting that others can help me, and its OK to rely on them (in this case, the doctors and all the medicines). Trusting that He is going to bless me and Michael beyond what we could ever imagine. Trusting that He is in control...not me.